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Happy Transparent Thanksgiving To You!
It's November and I really want to join the "be extra thankful" movement this month- but, I really do not fit into that movement. Of course I believe in being thankful and I AM thankful, but I also don't want to focus on these things -which could cause everyone to see what appears to be a perfect, blissful life when my life is not that at all.
However, even in my messes, I do want you to know, I can be thankful while also being real about my struggles.
It's November- I should be thankful but I'm just tired. The reality is, most days I have to search deep down to board the thankful train. Those days when my house goes from sparkling clean to hazard zone in 30 minutes. The days when my thankfulness gets left in the sink with the dirty breakfast dishes.
But-
According to my Facebook posts, it might appear that my thankfulness plate should be overflowing and that is exactly what the problem is: when we give highlight reels instead of behind the scenes footage we are choosing to post and see the best of our lives and everyone's lives on social media- and for some, me included, it can makes us look good or it can make us feel inferior, sad or give us a sense of loss- it just depends on who is reading and who is writing. This is why this thanksgiving I want to make sure my transparent self, not my Facebook or blogging self tells you what I am thankful for.
Quite simply, I am thankful I am a mess.
It's November- I should be thankful but I'm just tired. The reality is, most days I have to search deep down to board the thankful train. Those days when my house goes from sparkling clean to hazard zone in 30 minutes. The days when my thankfulness gets left in the sink with the dirty breakfast dishes.
But-
According to my Facebook posts, it might appear that my thankfulness plate should be overflowing and that is exactly what the problem is: when we give highlight reels instead of behind the scenes footage we are choosing to post and see the best of our lives and everyone's lives on social media- and for some, me included, it can makes us look good or it can make us feel inferior, sad or give us a sense of loss- it just depends on who is reading and who is writing. This is why this thanksgiving I want to make sure my transparent self, not my Facebook or blogging self tells you what I am thankful for.
Quite simply, I am thankful I am a mess.
I'm not afraid to tell you I am a mess and I'm not afraid to talk about my messes. I know some people are. My hope is that we can all become more transparent in our relationships. What joy it is to listen to someone and be able to say You? Me too!!! I'm telling you it's ok.
To be transparent does not mean I should or will hang my dirty laundry out on social media. I certainly would not honor God by shaming myself. But it is also my responsibility not to pretend that my life is perfect and that the bits and pieces of my life you see on social media and at events in the community are my whole life, rather than just glimpses of the good times. My life is no more perfect and exuding thankfulness in November than it is in July or any day in between but being transparent means that I can and should share what is inside, deep in my heart, in my everyday struggles. Why? Because we are told to "Bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2) and I can't really do that if Im not honest about them. When I expose what I struggle with, my friends can pray for me, I can ask to be held accountable, I can love authentically. Is this easy? Absolutely not. As I share my struggles I am opening myself up to be judged, rejected and sometimes hurt. Thankfulness sometimes needs to be dug up and uncovered in our messy lives and sometimes the struggle IS the part we should be thankful for.
In her book entitled Move On, Vicky Courtney puts it best.
"When we refuse to talk about our past struggles and the messy moments in our life, we fail to tell the whole story of our lives. We miss God ordained moments to receive the God of all comfort from others in the midst of our struggles and we miss the opportunity to GIVE the God of all comfort to others whose struggles mirror our own."Move on Pg 38
To be transparent does not mean I should or will hang my dirty laundry out on social media. I certainly would not honor God by shaming myself. But it is also my responsibility not to pretend that my life is perfect and that the bits and pieces of my life you see on social media and at events in the community are my whole life, rather than just glimpses of the good times. My life is no more perfect and exuding thankfulness in November than it is in July or any day in between but being transparent means that I can and should share what is inside, deep in my heart, in my everyday struggles. Why? Because we are told to "Bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2) and I can't really do that if Im not honest about them. When I expose what I struggle with, my friends can pray for me, I can ask to be held accountable, I can love authentically. Is this easy? Absolutely not. As I share my struggles I am opening myself up to be judged, rejected and sometimes hurt. Thankfulness sometimes needs to be dug up and uncovered in our messy lives and sometimes the struggle IS the part we should be thankful for.
In her book entitled Move On, Vicky Courtney puts it best.
"When we refuse to talk about our past struggles and the messy moments in our life, we fail to tell the whole story of our lives. We miss God ordained moments to receive the God of all comfort from others in the midst of our struggles and we miss the opportunity to GIVE the God of all comfort to others whose struggles mirror our own."Move on Pg 38
It is so important that we be transparent in our every day lives and this includes social media, and other outlets where stories are told, especially stories that give us a mere snapshot, the good times, the thankful times.
This thanksgiving, I'm choosing to change my ways. Instead of getting a glimpse of a life that appears to be blissful and happy, I will share my reality of having to dig deep into my messes for thankfulness in the everyday.
I am thankful for:
My kids: They are sincere, kind, thoughtful and smart...on most days...but some days they act like their brains have been captured in those silly devices they play on. Some days they wake up complaining and go to bed the same way. They are "spirited" (WILD), rough and "all boy" (THEY KICK EACH OTHER UNDER THE TABLE AND PUNCH WHEN THEY GET TO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER). Sometimes I catch them sitting together playing a game or talking ( I make sure I take a picture immediately and post it on Facebook!) but very soon it's usually back to complaining that someone is "too close" or looking at the other one the "wrong way" Which means that most days I am a good mother but there are many other days I should be fired. I grumble about unflushed toilets and dirty socks on the floor. I lock myself in the bathroom and read a magazine. I give my kids cereal for breakfast and lunch and dinner.
My kids: They are sincere, kind, thoughtful and smart...on most days...but some days they act like their brains have been captured in those silly devices they play on. Some days they wake up complaining and go to bed the same way. They are "spirited" (WILD), rough and "all boy" (THEY KICK EACH OTHER UNDER THE TABLE AND PUNCH WHEN THEY GET TO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER). Sometimes I catch them sitting together playing a game or talking ( I make sure I take a picture immediately and post it on Facebook!) but very soon it's usually back to complaining that someone is "too close" or looking at the other one the "wrong way" Which means that most days I am a good mother but there are many other days I should be fired. I grumble about unflushed toilets and dirty socks on the floor. I lock myself in the bathroom and read a magazine. I give my kids cereal for breakfast and lunch and dinner.
I am thankful for my children's mostly free public education. I say mostly becuase you have to factor in supplies for science fair projects ( for which I take a picture if they win AND I post it to Facebook), diorama supplies , buying "cool" pajamas for pajama day, saving otters, wearing pink, and green and blue oh, and purple. My children's school always ranks at the top, gets A's from the department of education, employs teachers who care and understand my children and I am thankful for that but my reality is education can be and IS homework meltdowns, late buses, forgotten papers, and parent signatures. It is explaining exclusion while teaching inclusion and still not coming to a conclusion about the quality of time spent there.
I am thankful for my husband. I should just stop there because he really is pretty awesome but then you would think we sit on the couch, gazing at each other, while telling each other how perfect the other one is and that just doesnt happen (except on July 19th which is our anniversery.) Most of the time, we see each other quickly as we run by with food in our mouth and the keys in our hands. Movies after the kids are in bed-those don't happen either. We argue about insignifigant things, we stomp away from each other and we have to WORK and work hard to support each other, to remain a team. I'm thankful for my husband but it is not all sunshine and roses.
I am thankful for my bed, but remain constantly tired.
I am thankful for my clothes...when they fit.
For my health-wait, no I am not thankful for that.
I AM thankful for health insurance AND access to the best doctors but I am still sick.
I am thankful for friends, but am sometimes lonely.
I prefer quiet solitude but live in loud chaos.
I am thankful for the community where I live, but I sometimes feel the smallness of it closing in on me. It is sometimes hard to find reasons to be thankful when there is gossip, and tale-bearing, where there is the attitude of push or get knocked down, every man for himself, and especially the times where you are left to stand alone for doing the right thing. Community can be a bridge to friendship or a coutroom of distrust. I have found both equally-oftentimes defending my beliefs, my children, my choice of neighborhood and even the food I eat. I want to be thankful for the safety of my community and the opportunities it offers but becuase I am choosing to be transparent for thanksgiving this year, I must tell you, most days I remain confused and preplexed as to the kill or be killed mentality that surrounds me.
I am thankful for my husband. I should just stop there because he really is pretty awesome but then you would think we sit on the couch, gazing at each other, while telling each other how perfect the other one is and that just doesnt happen (except on July 19th which is our anniversery.) Most of the time, we see each other quickly as we run by with food in our mouth and the keys in our hands. Movies after the kids are in bed-those don't happen either. We argue about insignifigant things, we stomp away from each other and we have to WORK and work hard to support each other, to remain a team. I'm thankful for my husband but it is not all sunshine and roses.
I am thankful for my bed, but remain constantly tired.
I am thankful for my clothes...when they fit.
For my health-wait, no I am not thankful for that.
I AM thankful for health insurance AND access to the best doctors but I am still sick.
I am thankful for friends, but am sometimes lonely.
I prefer quiet solitude but live in loud chaos.
I am thankful for the community where I live, but I sometimes feel the smallness of it closing in on me. It is sometimes hard to find reasons to be thankful when there is gossip, and tale-bearing, where there is the attitude of push or get knocked down, every man for himself, and especially the times where you are left to stand alone for doing the right thing. Community can be a bridge to friendship or a coutroom of distrust. I have found both equally-oftentimes defending my beliefs, my children, my choice of neighborhood and even the food I eat. I want to be thankful for the safety of my community and the opportunities it offers but becuase I am choosing to be transparent for thanksgiving this year, I must tell you, most days I remain confused and preplexed as to the kill or be killed mentality that surrounds me.
I might need to dig deeper, to solidify already made connections- to leave myself vulnerable and to build trust. Thankfulness will come, when I least expect it- and it has in many forms- a creative mug, a handwritten note, a uplifting text. A helping hand- all if which encourage a small community of caring within the larger one.
Which is why I am choosing this November and all other months on the calendar to be authentic -to be transparent- to be thankful for my messes and my successes. My life is not one of blissful thanksgiving every single day, even when I try to find it, declare it or live it.
I don't want to pretend to live a great and thankful life all of the time-I don't -If I ever gave people that impression, I have failed.
Yes I am thankful, I am thankful I am a mess- one BIG ,GLORIOUS mess. Always remembering that
the biggest reason I have to be thankful today and everyday is that I am loved despite my faults, despite my lack of thankfulness by a PERFECT and LOVING God- a God who will meet me whether I'm thankful or not, whether it's November or July- whether I am messy or clean and for that I am on my knees with praise, gratefulness and of course-thanksgiving.
the biggest reason I have to be thankful today and everyday is that I am loved despite my faults, despite my lack of thankfulness by a PERFECT and LOVING God- a God who will meet me whether I'm thankful or not, whether it's November or July- whether I am messy or clean and for that I am on my knees with praise, gratefulness and of course-thanksgiving.
