MAYO UPDATE-THE RACE CONTINUES

Ever since we have returned from our trip to the Mayo Clinic, I have been nearing a nervous breakdown- for real. I have been trying to keep a grasp on all of this but I really feel like it is all racing toward me at a pace I can not quite keep up with. I feel like I am now in a sprint to the finish line, but can't quite actually visualize what crossing it will look like. I am trying to be brave. I am trying to be optimistic but right now I am very emotional and I am starting to get scared.
Every morning when the alarm goes off, I thank God for giving me another day and everyday I get out of bed because God whispers, "Yes Mary, I do have a purpose for you." and so with that, I move forward but here are some very honest truths about my life right now.
I am sick of this race.
I am sick of dealing with this disease every single day.
I am sick of talking about being sick.
I am sick of writing about being sick.
I am sick of feeling so overwhelmed that I am losing what mind I have left.
WITH THAT SAID-
The most AMAZING thing about being sick is that I get to see firsthand how God works through others. How he takes people and places them in our lives at exactly the right time, in the way we need them most. It makes me feel so secure knowing so many people are supporting us and even better knowing that if He has to, God will carry me over his shoulder the rest of the way so I can finish.
So I say thank you-for all you have done so far, all you have offered to do when we get home and at every point in between. I wanted to let you all know, I am going to write this post and then I  will not update again until I am done with surgery and can report that I am victorious!  I would like the last 2 weeks before this surgery to be able to focus on my family and not this illness that has consumed so much of our lives lately. I would like to NOT talk about it anymore, for awhile anyway.
OUR PLAN:
On November 13 we will travel back to Rochester and on November 15th my neurosurgeon, will again, perform brain surgery through my nose.. This time, he will remove the entire right side of my pituitary gland. (partial hyphosectomy) in hopes that he will get the lesion they can  see on the MRI but also any other bad cells that could potentially regenerate in the future. Sometimes in the case of recurrent tumors, a more extensive removal of the gland is required to provide a better outcome. Recurrent tumors are usually more aggressive than the original.
 YES, I am freaking out about it AND I am very scared-BUT, no matter how scared I am, you could not convince me to back out.
The pituitary is the master gland of the body. without it, you would not be alive. Dissecting this gland is anything but minor. When we left our appointments last week, we were just so happy to have saved my adrenal glands that we did not realize that this option is only marginally better.
Removing half of my pituitary definitely has risks.
I risk destroying the whole gland and leaving my entire endocrine system without regulation.
I risk not being cured and STILL having both of my adrenal glands removed. My first surgery had a success rate of 80-90% for which I failed. This time around I am at a 60% cure rate.
I am also at risk for spinal fluid leaks, diabetes insipidus and meningitis.
I am taking a risk that my left side of my pituitary will never again "wake up" after surgery and I will have a complete loss of function and a lifetime of replacement therapy.
I am at risk for a crisis and even though my risk is lower than if I were to remove my adrenal glands, it is still a very real possibility.
I risk that the surgeon will go in and see that some of this tumor is wrapped around my carotid artery, making it inoperable and then not only would I have to recover from surgery but begin radiation as well.
I have risks even if the surgery is a success.
Even with a successful pituitary surgery I will be on some sort or replacement hormones until my left side begins to function, assuming it will begin to function. If the surgery is successful (and it will be), I will have a post operative "CRASH" within 24-48 hours, which I am told by reliable sources-(Google and my neurosurgeon himself), it is pretty horrible. They say it is like a heroin addict quitting cold turkey- fever, chills, vomiting, shaking and all of this with gauze packed in my nose to keep my brains in place. My body will freak out because it went from making too much cortisol to none at all. After this crash, and please pray that I have one, they will bring me back up synthetically and slowly wean me back down. Not many people get to say they know what it feels like to be a drug addict having never used drugs so I guess I will get to add that to my life experiences list! To be considered a successful surgery and into remission I must have this CRASH. PRAY that I have it, pray my children do not witness it, and pray that my brains stay in place.
But for now, I must stop talking about it, writing about it and  worrying about it and KNOW I have a great team backing me up and I will win this race!
More from mayo in a couple of weeks...