I am the Storm

I  have always said that Cushings Disease has been the single greatest tool to show me the grace of Jesus. God never wastes my struggles. The miracle is being able to still praise Him in the midst of them. 

Unfortunately, this weekend I forgot what I KNOW and have LIVED so many times - God is always faithful. He has a perfect record. Perfect timing and a perfect plan. 

This weekend I took a temporary ride on Mary’s hot mess express. It cruised along all weekend long...

But after a weekend of being on board a pity train to depressedville,  I’m trying to start fresh today but friends I do need some extra prayer.  

Today, even though I am once again reminded that I live with a relentless disease, I need to be reminded  that I have a God who is also relentless in His pursuit of me.

 In remission or out, the effects of this disease still linger years after surgical and chemical interventions and it sometimes causes anger and bitterness to creep in my heart.  I forget all of the blessings that have happened as a result of it. I look only at the pain. 

Satan loves to see those chinks in my armour. He uses them to get in and attack. He knows exactly what my struggles are. He’s the engineer of the pity train that I chose to board. He encourages me to climb aboard. He is the one that reminds me I will always have this disease. The one that makes me think that as soon as one victory is claimed another challenge will be presented. He makes me see and feel the pain. This time he hit me where he knew it would hurt the worst. 

My mouth. 

A direct shot. 

For those of you who think Satan is a cartoon character with a cute pitchfork you are wrong. He’s crafty, deceitful and he knows your weaknesses. He’s no joke. 

But God is bigger, stronger and more powerful. Always. He’s already won but that will never stop Satan from trying. 

This disease, manifesting in my mouth, is the worst case scenario for me because I am a walking billboard for dental anxiety. I wear the crown. I am the face of childhood dental trauma.  

Medically speaking, because of prolonged cortisol exposure, my white blood cell count stopped fighting against the local bacteria between my gums and teeth. They just stopped going there- jerks! Cortisol also inhibits new bone growth which contributes to osteoporosis of my jaw bone causing the already bad teeth to have no support. Therfore teeth are breaking, cracking, and causing all kinds of issues. 

The last two Fridays I have had to have 2 teeth removed. The healing, also has been slow and painful. Hence, the pity train full steam ahead. 

Today I jumped off. I have a renewed spirit.  I have the support of a wonderful husband. I am under the great care of a oral surgeon and dentist who are direct answers to my prayers. 

Please pray that my mouth will heal as well as my defeated heart. My struggles are usually the places where I’m still enough to hear God’s voice so I ask for prayer to not only hear His voice but to listen and respond. 

I know there are those of you who are facing far greater struggles today and others whose daily lives are a struggle. Please let me know how I can pray for you too!