Emerging From The Pit

 

Yesterday, as we sat by the pool, I suddenly realized- we did it!,  Our family has finally emerged from the pit. The light that was shinning yesterday came not only from the sky but from within each of us. The light in our lives was shinning brightly once again and am I so thankful for that!  This was me in November of this year. My neurosurgeon had just gone through my nose to gain access to the tumor on my pituitary. After finding it embedded, he removed the entire right side of my pituitary gland. To do this he punctured my sinuses and sucked it all out through my nose with a vacuum.   As you can see, I was not a pretty sight. As a family, we hoped this signified a new beginning. A life free of battling this horrid disease and the start of our climb out of the pit. "The Lord sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness." Psalm 41:13

 Making the 9 hour trip home from the Mayo Clinic was equal parts horrifying and surreal.  BUT we made it.  "And the God of all grace who carried you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong."1 Peter 5:10

 Upon our return to Indiana we got the news that Kevin's dad had died. We continued sinking further into a pit. At this point it seemed bottomless, with no chance of clawing our way out.. Kevin could not leave me, I could not travel, there was to be no stress. Kevin could barely mourn the loss of his father and further we fell. I know without a doubt,  at this point, God was the only person holding our family together. "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed-perplexed but not in despair." 2 Corinthians 4:8

 Even during this time Kevin somehow managed to keep himself together not only tending to his sick wife but also providing round the clock medical care,  making multiple phone calls to my team of doctors, keeping me together physically as well as mentally, cooking, cleaning, managing school work- but he also managed to keep the family traditions of tree decorating and cooking a full Thanksgiving dinner.  He did this ALL while trying to figure out how he was going to leave me and go to his Dad's funeral.  He was unable to grieve and I was unable to give him emotional support. Our pit became deeper and darker but we still continued to claw. "Jesus came to give us an abundant life but not a trouble free life.  Part of of the abundance he offers to those who belong to Him is the power of His spirit to overcome what others can not." Joyce Meyer

 At this point we did what any parents would do in desperate times- we left our 11 year old in charge of his mother, sent Gabe to our friends house so Kevin could drive to Iowa to be with his family.  During the time Kevin was gone, Ben took his position of caretaker very seriously- reminding me to take my medicine, making me toast, and giving me an endless supply of Sprite. At night, God was especially watchful and eased Ben's fears so he would not push the ADT panic alarm he slept with. During this time I learned our kids can accomplish almost anything if just give them the chance to prove themselves and while Kevin was gone, I felt God's hand beginning to guide me out  "but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm. Proverbs 1:33

 After Kevin's return, life started moving again. Our pit did not seem as large or deep and we could see peeks of sunshine through the darkness.  We attended Christmas concerts,

 decorated cookies,

 attended Ben's play,

 attended football games,

  We also were able to accomplish larger tasks. Kevin somehow completed the Christmas shopping  and found out that making big decisions in the gift buying department is a hard job when you are doing it alone. It was just as difficult for me, to let go of things I once controlled, I was not only doing this with day to day tasks but learning to be still and let God help with every task.  Things like huge crowds and decision making were just too much! It was also around this time  I was dealing with horrible situational depression and the pit was starting to once again close tighter around me, peeks of sunshine were covered with clouds, and I started to focus on the clouds- I had just had a major surgery and thought I should be celebrating my victory over my disease but my numbers were saying the opposite and with every blood draw, the reality became clearer.. Not only was I not cured, my numbers indicated I was not even in remission. That was difficult for me to hear. I felt defeated and sad but as tight as the walls seemed around me, I knew that Gods hand was still on mine gently pulling me out. I still trusted Gods plan for me and learned in so many ways that trials bring you closer to God- I feel like my illness was part of Gods plan to draw me near. A time when the Holy Spirit was doing his greatest work in me. "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

 We spent New Years Eve at home. the boys did not seem to mind. They drank soda from 2 liter bottles and had a Wii tournament.  I prayed silently while lying on the couch that night that God would continue to heal my family. I prayed that 2013 would be a good year.  I prayed that somehow we would climb to the top once again.

 So January began and with it the knowledge that God is the only one who can cure me. He is the only one who can heal my family. HE ALONE. During January I started a bible study with a group of women. I tried every excuse to back out but my friend would not let me. Believe me-I tried! She bought the study guide for me and assured me she would pick me up even if it meant getting me out of bed herself. I was so thankful for this because this bible study saved me. It saved me from slipping further down into the pit and every week I attended I could feel God tugging me a little bit more towards the surface. Being part of this group gave me the strength and confidence I need to begin healing. For our family to claim victory over these events in our lives.

 I was able to start doing the things like a trip to the local news station with Gabe.

 and the art museum with Ben.

 We were able to go as a family to watch Gabe's basketball games.

 Kevin and the boys were able to go on their winter camp out with the confidence that I would be OK.

 And watch the Harlem Globetrotters (before I choked on a hot dog)

 Attend science night at school,

And see that Ben had won a ribbon!

Our family enjoyed the  Pinewood Derby

The Blue/ Gold Banquet,

 And watch this sweet boy turn 8!

 Somewhere during that time I started to heal. My numbers said  I was not cured or in remission. The doctors were saying it had failed but I felt differently. I felt happy again and the light returned to my eyes. I not only felt the walls of the pit crumble, but I once again felt light shinning down on me. I felt it, people noticed. Because I was healing, our whole family began to heal as well. We were stronger that before and learned many lessons on faith and family. We learned that God is the only one who can heal. He is the only one that can take a families darkness and make light shine from them again. "Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me." Psalm 30:2

We are  looking forward to summer days

 Sitting here

 Thanking God for his healing power and the strength for new beginnings  and for family.

 Our bible study just concluded for the summer. On our last day we had the opportunity to share how the bible study had spoke to our hearts. My lengthy reply was:

 

I feel so blessed. My life right now feels full and wonderful. I feel like I am closer to the peace that surpasses all understanding. I have felt the healing power of God's grace and presence so many times over the past months and I have come to understand something very important. God has never left me, He has been by my side through everything-big or small. Every event, every heartache, every triumph. He has been trying to reach me my whole life-it was just that until recently, I chose not to answer. Being a part of a group of women like this has given me the courage I needed to answer Gods call to me. It was only after I chose to answer that God has transformed my life. He has taken a broken heart and made it whole. He ALONE did this. This bible study has not only opened my heart but made it grow and led me in the right direction. For six months I have felt a gentle nudge to get my thoughts onto paper to talk about Gods healing in my life but no matter how I tried, it was too overwhelming. Yesterday as I prepared for my last session, I was reflecting on how it has changed me. A devotional came to my inbox. it spoke of hearing from God but being so afraid of responding for fear of making a mistake. Fear of whether you are really hearing from God. The devotional talked about how God was speaking to her to try and get her to do something and she kept saying,"Lord, what if I miss you? what if I'm not really hearing you and I do the wrong thing?God said, "Do not worry if you miss me, I will find you." So after months of struggling to get my thoughts on paper, to find the right words, to listen for direction and to pray about how I would tell my story. I realized no matter what I say or write God will be with me. God does not care how I tell my story, just that I tell it. Just my words spilled out to tell about how he transformed my life, my relationship with Him and how he can take even the most broken and make them whole again.
We have become a society of connections, not to people but to technology. From the invention of the telephone we have become a world that relies on our connections to each other. We have come to rely so much on our gadgets that simply forgetting them at home causes us to panic. When we are asked to silence them or put them away we obsessively check for missed calls and missed opportunities. What if we treated our relationship with God just like we treat our phones? Never without Him, checking in with Him first thing in the morning, all throughout our day and as the last thing we do in the evening?What if we panicked when we find we are at only 19% power with God and when our light gets dim we run to the nearest plug in to refuel? 
What if we listened to God like we listen to our phones. Every beep, ding, vibration getting our full attention?
I feel like my story is a series of both un answered and answered call from God. sometimes ringing loudly, other times a soft hum in the background. This bible study has been like the call that jars you from a restful sleep at night. Throughout the last several month's, each call was played back on my life, every recording, beep hum amid buzz and what I have learned but it has taken me a very long time to figure out is that if God is calling you, you should really pick up the phone. More importantly, however, is that you should take the time to call Him as well. Psalm 20:1 says May the Lord answer you when you are in distress, may the name of God of Jacob protect you. so instead of reaching for your cell phone to call a friend about your problems call God instead.
My story is all about those calls from God at every point in my life. The calls He wants me to talk to others about to bring others closer to Him. I feel like he brought all of you, and even this particular study of David  to be the beginning of that journey. Because of the love and support of a group of women who seek God and continually work towards being "women after God's own heart" I feel like I have become more bold in my quest. Each story we told, every word of encouragement that was provided brought us all closer to each other and closer to God..
What have I learned from this study? 
I am loved. I am supported. I am not alone. I will tell my story so that others can seek to be people after God's own heart as well.. If just one person turns to Him as a result of me, I will have done something amazing. If I can open someone's heart to Him, mine will grow as well.
I am looking forward to summer, to new beginnings and the confidence that God is only a call away. I just need to pick up the phone!

It Is Not about Winning, It's How You Play The Game

My children have been at the same school since kindergarten.  In that time we have been the topic of many conversations regarding life threatening food allergies. Some of these have been unpleasant but for the most part, they have been pleasant. Throughout the years I have learned to pick my battles wisely and to educated instead of complain.  There have been times when I have struggled to keep my cool and to not react negatively but this is not one of those times.  I learned recently that negative comments were made over social media, about a fight to let a child bring nut products into the classroom and though not aimed at my family directly, it became personal to me as a parent of 2 children with life threatening food allergies because now a precedence has been set.  Although I have never expected the world to change for my sons, their safety and well being while at school has always been a top priority. I do not expect everyone to fully understand what it is like to raise a child with severe food allergies but I do expect respect and tolerance and I hope for empathy to come when knowledge is gained. In the past our family has experienced isolation and ignorance but have also been blessed to meet others who are understanding and empathetic but up until now, I have never heard of another parent claiming "victory" over the fact that her child will be allowed nut products for snack at school and even stating "I win!" publicly. At first I was speechless, but today I have found my voice.

Life threatening food allergies are not a game- scorecards do not matter when you are talking about the safety of children. 12 million Americans have food allergies...3 million are children.  (FAAN)
There is no cure
There are no medicines.
There are no winners.
No matter what the statistics say, no matter the severity of those involved, no matter if children are hospitalized and even die from exposures at school, there are some adults, educated adults, people in positions of authority, people who have college degrees and Moms with too much time to spare who, when it comes to discussing food allergies, become hostile and bitter. They think that it is against the law and their parental rights to ask that their child refrain from eating nut products in the classroom (remember, they can have them in the lunchroom) or when asked to keep cupcakes out of celebrations, and other foods from the learning environment and this makes me a little sad but angry as well. Life threatening food allergies are defined as a disability by the ADA-they are serious, I am not sure how much more direct you can state it. It is unfortunate that some people make food allergies a sport.
As a parent of 2 children with life threatening food allergies, I know I can not change ignorant people, but I do know if this were a game and the ball was in my court, I would rather be recognized for my sportsmanship than my winning record.  Sometimes as a parent of a child with food allergies, you can feel like you are standing in the middle of the court alone, sometimes in just your underwear exposed and defeated while all of the other parents whose children have no food allergies stand and call you names-Attention seeker, hover mother, helicopter mom when all you really hope for it just the opposite- to have your kids blend in and to be a part of a team that accepts differences and embraces every ones unique traits,  I have made so many failed attempts to educate others, to foster a community of understanding and to reel in the skeptics, that if this is a game and we are keeping score, I admit it, I lose, my kids lose, our school loses.
I can no longer listen to excuses like a birthday is not a birthday without a cupcake at school, nuts are the only protein my child gets and they are best consumed during morning snack at school, otherwise the benefits are none. Those things and many others I have heard, will not send your child to the hospital, they will not put your child in a coma and they will certainly not risk your child's life.

This is why this time I am choosing to react and haven't the last hundred times.  This particular attack was not directed towards my family, but the next could be. I have seen and heard a lot. I have been a victim of the bullying tactics by parents who spread misinformation about allergies. I have been told there is no such things as allergies or  that allergies could not possibly be a severe as I Imagine them to be, but I am quite shocked and saddened to learn that others are keeping score and this is a game.  It is so important for me to support other parents who have children with life threatening allergies and continue to support them through times like these- we are a team and we stick together- we just don't keep score!

 I am not asking any of you to choose a team on this matter. I am just asking you that if you are playing the game, you play fair. Keep your "victories" silent and remember your wins mean that others are losing.

Valentines Day Hunt 2013

1st Clue

Finding your presents!

 Happy Valentines  Day

FACEBOOK

As you all may know, I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.  My on again/off again relationship with this social media giant has made me question, think and even laugh at the power it has over our society and over me. I was determined to figure this out in my mind so as with all problems I encounter- I question, I process, analyze, over analyze, write it down, and then I tell the whole world.

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal opinion. I am not talking about anyone or any event specifically unless I say it. If I do not say your name, I am not talking about you. Don't read too much into this. I am not secretly trying to send anyone subliminal messages and if you are my friend on Facebook you are my friend in real life. Don't get all weird on me after you read this!

We are our own worst enemies. We criticize our own selves more than any other person or thing in our lives.  It has always made me curious to why we (myself included) put ourselves out there faults and all for the world to see. Some say for attention, some say curiosity and some say for entertainment- I'm not really sure but I tend to think its because it is so easy.  Lets face it, we no longer live in a society where you can ignore a phone call or hide behind the lettuce in the produce section at the grocery store to maintain your privacy. Privacy is a thing of the past and we are allowing this by our own free will. Why is that? We say that Facebook keeps us connected but it is Facebook that allows us to slowly disconnect from the close relationships we once valued.

Not only can we see where our friends are at any given time by check ins, We can see so much more and  can see this information, process it, make opinions and judgements based on it and never have to speak with our friends about it.

Facebook allows us to see what everyone likes and wants us to like but we also see that they like urban legends and pets more than they like events in your life.  I know if my friends like cats, dogs, food, singers. I know if they like animals at all -or if they themselves are animals of the partying kind.

Through Facebook I know that there is a lot of sickness in this world.  I know that cancer sucks, women die during childbirth and life may sometimes seem unfair. I know that everyone is facing a struggle.  I post about my own and I know how everyone feels about these matters without ever speaking to them.

I know who my friends will vote for before they cast a ballot. I know what they question, what they criticize and what they value based solely on posts on Facebook. I know far too much and sometimes say far too much. That causes fissures in friendships. Knowing that you have friends on facebook whose values differ dramatically from your own is hard.. It is very difficult if not impossible to react, respond and remember when someone posts about such things as abortion being a women's right and your beliefs and values are the complete opposite and  it makes you hurt inside.

We have become a society who hides behind our technology, who don't value real social interactions where we can defend and discuss our beliefs in person and be held accountable for them without the protection of a screen.  We like and comment and friend and un-friend without ever looking each other in the eyes. We have become a society of friend gatherers and have diminished the value of real life connections. In our society today it seems people think it is better to have hundreds of Facebook friends but few real life friends. Facebook has now allowed us to "hide" from our friends by blocking their feeds or posting to select audiences. People justify this by saying it is better to hide that to ruin a friendship but lets get real, if you have to hide, you're not really friends, right? It only allows us to hide further from real life connections. We can not only end a friendship in one click, we can also hide from our friends and deny that it is not already broken and we can do this all while waiting in a carpool line.

We link, we share and we pray for people so much on facebook that we are forgetting what it is really like to be a friend to comfort someone in person, to prepare a meal for a sick friend, to stop by for a visit. Facebook has even allowed us to use punctuation as hearts. Now, not only are we not saying the word love, we are not writing it anymore either!

Facebook has cheapened the meaning of the words, "I will pray for you." Although typed with good intentions, how many people actually put their words into action. How many times have you typed the words I will pray for you and continued scrolling down your Facebook feed. Not ever taking the time to actively and consciously ask God to intercede- to lift that person up in prayer at that very moment.  The next button Facebook will add will be the pray button and we will all be in trouble because praying for someone is not pushing a button anymore than  pushing a button means you like them.

And if this all isn't cause to think, I have more:
For all the people who like and comment there are a whole bunch who do not and I do not care if you say you do not notice- if your human, you do.
For every party you post about, there are twice as many you were not invited to.
We see things that make us laugh, cry, mourn, and sadden us.
We see academic promise as we struggle with our own child's homework.
We see vacations we will never take.
We see athletic endeavors for which we could not physically accomplish.
We see healthy dinners while scrolling through our feed in the McDonald's drive through.
Does that make us bad people? Maybe not, but it sure doesn't make you feel great.

We no longer need gangs and cliques, we have Facebook.  Facebook has brought back the value people place on being a part of a exclusive group and letting that group define you, only now it is not with a physical group of people who share common values and beliefs but a network of people hidden behind the comfort of a keyboard.
People actually think their "popularity" is based on the amount of friends they show, who comments and likes are plentiful and even  think you are a good person in real life based only on causes you support and missions you are a part of and not from personal experiences.
We tell people they will be good people if they join our cause, donate their time, sacrifice their bodies without really know who these people are. For every request and plea, someone is feeling alienated either financially, medically or personally.  The fact of the matter is, most times we don't really know our friends anymore.  We know bits and pieces of their lives.  We know what they choose to share but oftentimes we really don't know them at all. All of these things cause me to have a rocky relationship with Facebook.  I want to break up. I just don't know if I would miss him. These thoughts I will continue to ponder in my never ending quest to have a healthy relationship with my frenemy whose name is Facebook.

Sketch the Sky

  Sketch the sky is a contest where kids can draw weather related pictures for a chance to be chosen to be on air. Gabe's picture was chosen by the meteorologist and appeared on air and in the newspaper. Gabe is now a 2 time winner.  We are very proud of him.  We enjoyed a yummy lunch...

After a very nice presentation, Gabe was given a bag of goodies

 The winning picture!

 Meeting the newscasters

 Future job?

 Radio/TV Station tour

They Will Be Sorry They Asked

 Throughout this entire Christmas break I have been trying to come to grips about the fact that I still have Cushings Disease. This was suppose to be the time of recovery and a fresh start but instead I am still fighting. I have got into some wing dingers with my doctors about how to proceed.  I have been called anxious, depressed, and difficult- YES to all 3.  Sometimes it is so frustrating to have to explain the very disease for which I already have been diagnosed-to the very same doctors who have given me the diagnoses. To explain that living with this disease is very different than seeing it on paper.  So when the questionnaire came in the mail- I responded...

To: (I have omited the doctors names in this blog for privacy)

and all other doctors who cared for me whom I have never met or met under my post operative drug induced state.

Last week I received a questionnaire in the mail regarding the care I received during my recent stay. After reading through the questions and seeing the 2 lines for comments I knew it was not enough space and I should write this letter, something I have been putting off for quite some time.

Let me first say that although I am not cured or in remission I am not sorry for my decision to have surgery. I know that the surgical team, led by Dr. Atkinson did all they could. I am thankful at this time that Dr. Atkinson again made the decision to try, and for that I am grateful. Even though the statistics were against me and cure rates were not on my side at least we tried and that is all I could ask for.

I have also appreciated Dr. Norman's efforts and time since I returned home. By having and open line of communication available, it has eased some of my worries.

With that said, I must also say that I was not prepared for how difficult it would be to hear this news out loud or to actually see it on paper. The thought of never being healthy again is something that I simply can not and will not accept. I must know that I have done everything possible to regain my quality of life.

To all of you, as doctors, as people who are trained to see in numbers and clinical findings it is difficult when someone like me comes along. I am not the textbook case. I may be as far from textbook as one can get. I do not have any of the classic features and realize my labs, although not normal are not off the charts. BUT -the fact of the matter remains- You have removed 2 ACTH secreting tumors from my pituitary and half of that gland and you diagnosed me in 2008 with Cushings Disease which is why I am having such a difficult time with what has been happening since returning home.

Since the time of my second surgery life has been difficult partly due to the effects of surgery and partly because I am again defending the very disease for which I have already been diagnosed. I have been told either directly or indirectly I am anxious and/or depressed -which I agree, I am, but it is not because I am an anxious or depressive person, but because of the situation I am in currently. I am lacking a cure, a solid plan, or a reason for what is happening. The things I need , if for no other reason than to have hope for my future. And for that yes I am anxious and I am depressed. I am sure you are all aware of the statistics that relate to cushings disease and I am sure you all know what I should look like, act like ,or what my numbers should be but what you are not understanding is that no diploma, no degree on the wall and no amount of statistical research will allow you to know what living with this disease feels like on a daily basis.

While at times you have told me to become more symptomatic, to have higher labs, to talk with counselors I still have to live my life. I still have to be a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter and I know, statistically speaking, people with this disease loose their quality of life no matter what symptoms are occurring and what their numbers say. I do not agree that you can have LESS Cushings. It is either there or not and I would hope this would be confirmed by my past laboratory findings. I sometimes feel like if I were a 500 pound diabetic this would be easier but I am not that way because I am aggressive in obtaining treatment, I would not let myself get to that point. In case you haven't noticed, the words no and can't and wait make me fight harder because saying no and wait to me only mean I am losing more time with my kids, my family, with my life.

So in case you are wondering what my life has been like since surgery so you can understand why I might be a little anxious or depressed about my future and to know why numbers and symptoms are different that actually living with this disease. I will tell you:

Every day my body aches. I feel like I have the flu all day.

My muscles are weak and stiff, especially my calves. I walk like I am 80 years old. Getting off the couch requires an all out effort involving all family members including the dog. Because even the smallest tasks are difficult, my children have become my caretakers for even the smallest of tasks. Things like opening up a bottle of soda which by the way, is a full time job alone, considering the amount of liquid I consume in a day. These are tasks I should be able to do, but can't. After opening the 6^th bottle of sprite yesterday, my 7 year old asked to be fired.

As a result of this relentless intake of liquid, I am up every night, all night in the bathroom. It is usually around 2 AM when I weigh the benefits and drawbacks to Depends undergarments. The labs here say everything is normal. I have to disagree. Normal does not include coming home from the grocery store with 60.00 worth of soda and no food.

Hot flashes- not the mild, I think I need to take off my jacket and fan my face kind, but resisting the urge to strip down naked in the checkout line at Target.

No energy. It takes every ounce I have just to shower. Which I only consider doing on occasion since surgery.

I AM anxious and I AM depressed. I just disrupted my entire families lives. I just had a huge surgery and spent a month in bed, only to find out I still have this ugly disease. Couple that with the fact that I have had inconsistent care from my doctor here and I would say being anxious and depressed is what one would expect.

I also feel that to understand how much Cushings disease has taken from me, and how my life has changed- you must understand what my life was like before it entered my life and even during the period of remission.

I was fun. People actually liked to be around me and on occasion, I was considered the life of the party. I was always willing to try new things and put myself out there. I smiled, I laughed, and generally had a good time.

I was smart. I graduated with honors with a double major now I struggle to spell the simplest of words or compute fifth grade math problems.

I was physically fit. I ran races, participated in boot camps, enjoyed kickboxing, lifted weights. I played outside with my children.

I had a career. I was a teacher- I could handle the rigors of the profession. I won awards for my teaching and accepted some challenging positions- now there is no way I could handle the demands of being a teacher again.

I was an attentive wife. I ran our household with precision. I was organized, efficient and my house was clean. I was even able to cook an occasional meal. I gave my husband the attention he deserves.

I was a better Mom. My kids could count on me to be at their events, to volunteer in their classrooms, to help with their projects. I was able to give my kids the time and energy they deserved. The time I am loosing with them because of this disease can never be recovered.

Moving forward is difficult and something I do not yet have a grasp on.

I am confused. I am upset. I am sick. The one thing I would like to make perfectly clear is that I am not sick BECAUSE I am anxious. I am not sick because I am depressed.

I am anxious and depressed BECAUSE I am sick, because I do not have answers, because my life has been turned upside down and because I simply want to get my life back.

I am very aware that I do not present with Cushings in a way that is either typical or normal. That has become very clear to me. But here is what I do not understand. These are the questions I would like answered so that I can move forward in the best way possible.

We know that 2 ACTH secreting tumors have been removed from the right side of my pituitary. We also know the right side of my pituitary was removed. We know, based on numbers I am not in remission, I am not cured.

Is there any other explanation, other than Cushings Disease, for these tumors?

Could the reason for no cure be, the left side, or diseased tissue around my carotid artery, or in the cavernous sinuses?

Is there a possibility that there is a tumor somewhere other than my pituitary?Before I make any more decisions or a decision that is life altering, I need to know- that we have explored every other option, possibility or diagnoses- as remote as they can be, knowing that my next step will be life changing and not something I am going to do without knowing- it could be NOTHING else. Is there any other tests to be done for the adrenals to test for functioning, etc.? Is there any possibility that a CT scan would not show everything? Is it possible that there could be a tumor hidden in the middle of these glands going undetected? If there is further testing that could help in these areas, I would like to explore those possibilities before I consider any more treatment.

With ALL of this said, I hope that we can move forward in figuring out the best way to beat this. I am sick. I am sick of talking about Cushings. I am sick of researching Cushings. I am sick of writing about cushings. I am sick of being sick.

I hope together we can exhaust all other possibilities before moving forward with something that will ultimately exchange one disease for another but one that I will move forward with if there is a chance at regaining my life.

Again. Thank you for sticking with my case, as difficult as it has been, I want you to to know I am grateful and thankful for all of you!

(See- 2 lines would have never been enough!)

Mary Kahl

Sledding

 We had our first good sledding day.  The weather was perfect, with fresh snow this morning!

 The kids are enjoying snowboarding.

 Gabe always has his tongue out because "it gives good balance"

 Do not let Bruiser fool you- he did not sit like this the whole time!!!

 Bruiser ran after the sled every time it went down the hill.

Bruiser made a new friend. He moved into the neighborhood recently.

 

 He is a Goldendoodle just like Bruiser.  They were born within two months of each other!

 Lucky wore Bruiser out!!!