It Is Not about Winning, It's How You Play The Game

My children have been at the same school since kindergarten.  In that time we have been the topic of many conversations regarding life threatening food allergies. Some of these have been unpleasant but for the most part, they have been pleasant. Throughout the years I have learned to pick my battles wisely and to educated instead of complain.  There have been times when I have struggled to keep my cool and to not react negatively but this is not one of those times.  I learned recently that negative comments were made over social media, about a fight to let a child bring nut products into the classroom and though not aimed at my family directly, it became personal to me as a parent of 2 children with life threatening food allergies because now a precedence has been set.  Although I have never expected the world to change for my sons, their safety and well being while at school has always been a top priority. I do not expect everyone to fully understand what it is like to raise a child with severe food allergies but I do expect respect and tolerance and I hope for empathy to come when knowledge is gained. In the past our family has experienced isolation and ignorance but have also been blessed to meet others who are understanding and empathetic but up until now, I have never heard of another parent claiming "victory" over the fact that her child will be allowed nut products for snack at school and even stating "I win!" publicly. At first I was speechless, but today I have found my voice.

Life threatening food allergies are not a game- scorecards do not matter when you are talking about the safety of children. 12 million Americans have food allergies...3 million are children.  (FAAN)
There is no cure
There are no medicines.
There are no winners.
No matter what the statistics say, no matter the severity of those involved, no matter if children are hospitalized and even die from exposures at school, there are some adults, educated adults, people in positions of authority, people who have college degrees and Moms with too much time to spare who, when it comes to discussing food allergies, become hostile and bitter. They think that it is against the law and their parental rights to ask that their child refrain from eating nut products in the classroom (remember, they can have them in the lunchroom) or when asked to keep cupcakes out of celebrations, and other foods from the learning environment and this makes me a little sad but angry as well. Life threatening food allergies are defined as a disability by the ADA-they are serious, I am not sure how much more direct you can state it. It is unfortunate that some people make food allergies a sport.
As a parent of 2 children with life threatening food allergies, I know I can not change ignorant people, but I do know if this were a game and the ball was in my court, I would rather be recognized for my sportsmanship than my winning record.  Sometimes as a parent of a child with food allergies, you can feel like you are standing in the middle of the court alone, sometimes in just your underwear exposed and defeated while all of the other parents whose children have no food allergies stand and call you names-Attention seeker, hover mother, helicopter mom when all you really hope for it just the opposite- to have your kids blend in and to be a part of a team that accepts differences and embraces every ones unique traits,  I have made so many failed attempts to educate others, to foster a community of understanding and to reel in the skeptics, that if this is a game and we are keeping score, I admit it, I lose, my kids lose, our school loses.
I can no longer listen to excuses like a birthday is not a birthday without a cupcake at school, nuts are the only protein my child gets and they are best consumed during morning snack at school, otherwise the benefits are none. Those things and many others I have heard, will not send your child to the hospital, they will not put your child in a coma and they will certainly not risk your child's life.

This is why this time I am choosing to react and haven't the last hundred times.  This particular attack was not directed towards my family, but the next could be. I have seen and heard a lot. I have been a victim of the bullying tactics by parents who spread misinformation about allergies. I have been told there is no such things as allergies or  that allergies could not possibly be a severe as I Imagine them to be, but I am quite shocked and saddened to learn that others are keeping score and this is a game.  It is so important for me to support other parents who have children with life threatening allergies and continue to support them through times like these- we are a team and we stick together- we just don't keep score!

 I am not asking any of you to choose a team on this matter. I am just asking you that if you are playing the game, you play fair. Keep your "victories" silent and remember your wins mean that others are losing.