Breathe

Breathe-
It sounds so simple, but it is something I have had a hard time doing for the last 17 days. I have not been able to catch my breath-- Panic Attack?- OH SO CLOSE, Nervous breakdown? Does sitting at the computer drinking a milkshake listening to 80's music count?
Which leads to the question- If your child was sick, and you were looking for answers, at what point do you say enough and let it be?
It is a parent's natural instinct to want what is best for their child. When they are sick, we give them medicine. When they fall down, we pick them up. When something is broken, we fix it. AND- when someone with a medical degree recommends a test, you say OK because they are a trained, knowledgeable, smart and what they say to you makes perfect sense And on that day- you see HOPE in the never ending quest to make your child well. They lay it all out- and you say yes. Let's test for THAT- not really knowing what THAT is. Then it happens- the doctor tells you what THAT is, you google THAT into the computer, you read reputable medical sites and you start to FREAK OUT because THAT test is a test for X-ALD for which there is no cure- there is rapid decline, eventually death and you could tick off EVERY symptom on the list and things make sense and then they tell you, as if THAT test is no big deal, that it will take 14 DAYS to get the results.
SO- you wait- and wait- and wait!!!! Wait to find out if your child will celebrate another birthday, will need a transplant, will be in pain, suffer, grow up... and you wait some more.
During this waiting time, you still have to go on with life and all the OTHER problems that arise- Homework, doctors visits, practices, lunch plans, snow days, fender benders, gossip, tears- and you try not to think about it and you try to move forward but you can't breathe and it is hard to go forward, and with every big or small thing that happens during this time and you move closer to realizing what stress can do to a body.
Then, FINALLY -17 days later- the call. He does NOT have THAT!!! You decide after praying and thanking God that you are done.
There will be no more tests.
There will be no more searching for answers.
There will be no more drug "therapy"
There will be no more weekly shots.
There will be... nothing.
You decide- your child- your 8 year old who you love more that life is going to be an 8 year old boy
He is going to play and love and be who he is
No one is going to tell you HOW he should act, how others his age should act. He is going to be- 8- a boy- and happy.
You stop worrying.
and you remember the day before- the ashes in a sign of the cross on your forehead. You heart is humbled and your faith restored.
Everything is OK
Life is OK and you
Breathe